Equal ratio policy announced for PH103 exam
PH103 senior lecturer and Critique Of Pure Rhythm frontman, Dr Alex Voorhoeve, announced this lunchtime that male students entered for the PH103 exam this June will need to be accompanied by at least two female students in order to be admitted into the exam hall.
Dr Voorhoeve, who last week was voted Sexiest Egalitarian Of All Time by readers of Philosopher’s Digest magazine (narrowly beating such stiff competition as John Locke and Karl Marx), told The Penguin that the Philosophy Department is introducing the new policy to ensure that male students achieve all of the course’s intended learning outcomes. “If you’re unable to drive at least two girls wild with your tentative appreciation of moral relativism, your affection towards David Hume’s poetic writing style and the bits of Cheetos stuck in your “thinking beard,” then you’ve learnt absolutely nothing from me. What would be the point, then, of you taking my exam? The PH103 exam is for players, my friend. Anyone who fails to bring two luscious ladies along with them can always take the Abstract Mathematics (MA103) exam instead. Let me know how all that “greatest common divisor” stuff works out for you when you’re trying to flirt with the babes at post-exam Crush.”
Neil O’ Doherty, president of the LSESU Male Society, was outraged by Dr Voorhoeve’s plans. “I’ve spent the last six months campaigning my ass off to protect men’s rights at LSE. Dr Voorhoeve’s overtly sexist door policy is a massive kick in the teeth after all the hard work my committee and I have put into stamping out this sort of discrimination. I simply won’t stand for this… unless he buys me a pint of London Pride and two packets of peanuts: then I won’t care. I’m a man, you see; alcohol and salted snacks are the solution to everything for me.”
The PH103 exam is scheduled for 6th June followed by a hot tub party at Professor John Worrall’s house (scientific anti-realists will not be allowed in).